Journey

*This is something I wrote for a newsletter earlier this year. *

Until three years ago I had been pretty self sufficient and I said that I trusted God but I really did not know what that truly meant. In November, of 2004 I was five months pregnant with a baby girl and my water broke causing a cord prolapsed and later delivering her stillborn. Just before this, God had been teaching me about his goodness, faithfulness and his greatness. When I first drove home from the doctor when they first told us we would probably lose our daughter the song in my CD player was “How Great Is Our God” by Chris Tomlin…

“How great is our God, sing with me

How great is our God, all will see

How great, How great Is our God

Name above all names

You are Worthy of our praise and

My heart will sing how great is our God”

I decided then that He was great and would be glorified, no matter what. I had a choice and during the time of waiting after my water broke I constantly had to choose to trust Him and believe that He was good no matter what the outcome was for our situation. After the loss of Ella Grace we were so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from family and friends and so filled with peace, even we were surprised at the calmness that surrounded us.

“The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace.” Psalm 29:11

I knew that God was in it and it sank me deeper into his presence and love for me.

Last year I was pregnant and had to go into the hospital at 22 weeks and stayed there until I was 34 weeks pregnant. At the beginning of our stay the outlook was grim (according to the doctors) and we again looked at a mountain that seemed impossible to cross over but we knew that the other side would bring glory to God and we were excited at what He would do. I read in Exodus of the Israelites being afraid of the Egyptians marching after them. They were terrified and so was I. This was Moses’ answer and I proclaimed it as mine as well.

“Moses answered the people ‘Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.’”

I found humor in this, since all I could do was be still as I lay in a bed for 10 weeks.

So we began, made a choice to believe that God was great and through much faith, prayer and perseverance we were blessed to bring home a daughter, Maleiah Joye in October of 2006.
As trials come I choose to know that God is big enough and He wants good for me. What I see as good is drastically different than what my Father in heaven sees as good. I trust Him with it all and I try really hard not to take it into my own hands.

Friends, God is great and we get to choose how we respond to that greatness in good times and bad. Will I trust Him when something devastating comes? Will I allow Him to be glorified no matter what the outcome? I see the mountain. I do not really know what is on the other side, but I am very curious what that might be, so I walk with Him, listening to His promises and leaning on Him for he bears it all.

“Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, “Do not hold them back!’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters’ from the ends if the earth-everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made."